Living Again
by AckroydExpress
Summary: When Rose and The Human Doctor were last seen, it was on Bad Wolf Bay. But what really happened after they left? Are they happy? And when tragedy strikes, how will they cope? Takes place after Journy's End. 10.5/Rose
1. Getting on with it

**Disclaimer:** As much as it pains me to say, I do not own Doctor who. Just this story.

_Hello everyone! This is my first fanfic, so hopefully it doesn't make anyone want to tear their hair out or anything. Do you guys think I should continue this, or make it a One Shot? Let me know!_

_

* * *

_

_Rose stood on the beach, gazing at where the TARDIS had been only moments before. How can he do this to me? AGAIN? And why the bloody HELL did I kiss this man??? I don't even KNOW him!_ She felt a hand slide into hers, and forgetting who he was, looked up into her Doctor's eyes. _He's not __your__ doctor_ she reminded herself. _He's human._ As she stared into those golden brown eyes, pain flickering in her own, she tried to find a difference in his features, but there wasn't one. He looked like the same Doctor she loved. She knew he only had one heart, but that was such a small difference. The thought was still hard to bear though, and she felt hot tears spill down her cheeks.. The Doctor saw this, and reached his other hand up to wipe them away. She looked down, and sighed softly.

Inside his own mind, The Doctor was having the same inner turmoil. He gazed down at her, and he knew she was in pain. _She's just lost the man she tried so hard to find he thought. I mean, I know I'm him and he's me, but she doesn't know that. It's like she's just lost her dog, and then said dog's puppy comes along thinking it can take the dog's place. Ooooh, nice analogy. Better make a mental note of that one. Just like the one with the - waitwaitwait! I'm getting off track. Well, at least that hasn't changed. Though, my mole is now two inches lower on my back then it was...Anyways, what can I do to make her feel better??? He racked his brain, and then had a thought. The least I can do is reassure her that I care about her, just like I said! YES! I'msosmart! _His thoughts were a flurry, but at least he knew what he was thinking.

"I meant what I said you know." he said aloud. She looked back up, confused. "I do love you, Rose Tyler. I am, in almost every way, the Time Lord Doctor. Same thoughts, same feelings, same memories. Same ramblings he added in his mind. Think of me as...another regeneration. Minus the lights and the exploding bit." He grinned at that, and she couldn't help but crack a smile.

Rose turned to face him and took both of his hands in her own. She gazed at him for a long moment, trying to decide what she wanted. _He's the same man. He IS the Doctor. And I love him. I'm getting to spend my life with the man I love. How lucky am I? A lifetime with the best man for me._ She broke into a shining smile, and looked him in the eyes. "I think I can do that." They both grinned and wrapped themselves in a hug. Rose pulled away for a moment to peck him on the lips, and they walked towards Jackie, perfectly content in their own little world. _Yes_, they both thought. _A lifetime with the love of my life will be absolutely fantastic._

* * *

_Comments/Reviews are appreciated! :-P_


	2. Heart Break

Hi guys! Thanks to everyone for all the support! I can't tell you how surprised I was that so many people read my story!

And I know this is a long time later, but don't worry, the next chapter is going to be a really long one where I explain some of it.

On to the story! Here's part two!

* * *

_3 Years Later..._

The sound of breaking glass jolted Rose Smith out of her sleep. Reaching for John's hand, she found only empty space. _What the - ?_ She quickly sat up and looked around the room. "John!" she whispered fiercely. No answer. "D-Doctor?" Still no answer. _Okay, now I'm getting worried. Where is he?_ she thought. Slipping on a rather large t-shirt (_Must be John's_), she fumbled her way across the room to the door. She grabber the torch on the floor, and flicked it on, scanning the room. Finding nothing, she left her bedroom and tripped her way down the stairs, flailing occasionally as she attempted to keep her balance in the dark. Reaching the bottom of the spiral trap, she looked around carefully.

_Okay, no aliens? Check. Torch/defense mechanism? Check. John? …Not check. Where IS he?_ She saw a light on in the basement, and heard muffled noises. _Never mind! Found 'im._ Rolling her eyes, Rose skipped lightly down the second set of stairs and looked expectantly at her husband. "John…" she said quietly. "What are you doing out of bed?" He jumped and looked up with wild eyes.

"John!" Rose rushed to his side. "What's wrong? What is it?!" Panic filled her mind as she considered the possibilities. John looked at her with pained eyes, and pulled her to him, tears welling in his eyes. _How can I tell her? It'll break her heart!_ He thought. "Oh Rose…" he choked out. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Rose."

"What is it John?" She pulled away and looked him in the eyes.

He took a deep breath. "I don't have as much time as we thought love." He paused to see her reaction before continuing. "I'm sick, Rose, and -" He broke off, unable to say more.

"And what? Can't you do something? Make yourself healthy again?" Rose asked, shaking with fear.

"No Rose, I can't. I'm going to die. And I don't know why." She looked at him, disbelieving, and yet believing at the same time. Tears filled her eyes and spilled over like floodgates breaking.

"No," she half-whispered, shaking her head. John pulled her close and held her tightly. "No, no, no, no, no!" Rose began to cry into his chest. _Why?!_ she screamed in her head. _Why is the universe so cruel?! Why won't you let me be happy?! WHY ARE YOU TAKING HIM AWAY FROM ME??!?_ Rose sobbed harder and harder, becoming more hysterical by the minute. She clung to him as if it were her own life that was hanging in the balance. She felt his ears fall into her hair, each one like a knife of fire. She knew she should be trying to be strong for him, or ask more questions, but the thought of losing him always hurt her. Now this news, that he would die much sooner…it shattered her heart into a million tiny pieces.

Eventually, The Doctor scooped her up and carried his broken wife up the stairs, his own heart breaking with each step, every sob that he heard and felt rip through his Rose. When he reached their bedroom, he laid her on their bed, and then curled up next to her, holding her tightly. As if maybe, just maybe, if he kept her in his arms, he'd be okay. He held her until her sobs grew quieter, and eventually she fell asleep. When his own too had subsided, he sat up to look at his wife. Stroking her cheek gently, he leaned down and kissed her softly. "I love you" he whispered. "I love you, my beautiful Rose, and that will never, ever change." With that, he pulled the sheets over them and curled himself around her, before falling into a deep sleep, with whispered dreams of forever.

* * *

What do you think? Got any ideas for the story? Please Comment/Review! Next part will be up in the next few days.

Also, thanks to **ChellusAuglerie**, **Dr. Who Nut**, and **HiddenInTheTardis **for the support of the Doctor getting sick. A lot of people don't like it, but trust me, it gets better! I promise. :-P


	3. TARDIS pockets

**Disclaimer****:** I do not own Doctor Who. Nor do I own the computer I type this story on. :-(

Hello lovelies! I know I said it might be a couple days, but I decided to stretch this part out a bit. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

_Oh joy. 3 hours of sleep, and I'm awake again. _ The Doctor cringed Laying there, he reflected on what had happened earlier that night.

**10:00 PM –**

"Don't stay down here all night John," pleaded Rose. "Come to bed." She tried to pull him up from his work chair, but he was firmly plopped. "Doctor…" she whined.

"Mmm-hmm…" he mumbled. _Now if I can just tweak this…I wish I had my sonic screwdriver!!!! Ugh…why the hell didn't I take the spare I made?! Wait…maybe it's in my TARDIS pocket!!!!!!!!_ The Doctor ran across the room to his suit jacket, which he hadn't worn since he and Rose left Bad Wolf Bay years before.

"Doctor?" Rose eyed him carefully. "Are you even listening to me? And what in the name of Rassilon are you doing?" She put her hands on her hips and frowned at him.

"I'm looking for my sonic - wait a second! Did you just say 'in the name of Rassilon'?!" He grinned at her like he'd just won the lottery.

"Well, erm…I hear you say it so often, that I guess it's, um…rubbed off on me?" She blushed furiously.

He winked at her, then went back to searching for his Sonic Screwdriver. "To answer your questions, yes I was listening, I just wasn't responding. And I'm searching my TARDIS pockets for my spare Sonic Screwdriver…oh, for Boe's Sake! This will take forever!" In an effort to speed up his searching, John turned the jacket upside down and watched its contents fall to the ground. In a flash, he was on the floor, sorting through it all. "Let's see, old chocolate wrapper, wire cutters, blindfold, spare batteries, OOOH! Jelly Babies!!!" He quickly snatched them up and put them on his desk, before turning back. "What else? A bell, a take-out menu from when we were on Raxacoricofallapatorius, unused Memory Crystals! Oh, that will be a joy! I've used up all the ones I've got."

"Memory Crystals?" Rose asked cynically.

"It's a Time Lord thing," He shrugged.

"I thought you had an infallible memory!"

"Oi, you try remembering every bit of your life when you're 900 years old!" he cried. "Now let's see…AH! Here it is, oh how I've missed you sweetheart! Mwa! Rose, look what I've found!" he cried.

"…Did you just kiss your Sonic Screwdriver?" she asked skeptically. John shot her a glare.

"You watch what you say around my screwdriver Mrs. Smith, or I'll have to use it!" He waved it in a way that was supposed to be threatening, while trying not to laugh. Rose, on the other hand, burst into tears from laughing so hard.

"Oh yes…Mr. Smith…you're so…threatening!" she choked out. He raised his eyebrows, then pointed the Sonic Screwdriver at rose and pressed the button, then put on a cheeky smile. "Now that, young lady, is much better," he beamed. Rose looked down, then turned beet red.

"Doctor! Where the hell are my pajamas?!" Rose had been stripped of everything but her undergarments.

"Oh, no need to worry love. They're safe and sound." He tapped the screwdriver. "In here, that is."

"Doctor! NOT funny!" She crossed her arms and shivered. The basement was quite cold. Just because the cold still didn't affect him didn't mean he had to make her suffer.

"Not funny to you…" he mumbled. "Alright, alright! Here you go!" He pressed the button again, and her clothes rematerialized. "That better?" He walked over and wrapped his arm around her.

"Yes, much," she said, grinning at him. She kissed him softly, and turned back to his desk. "So what do you need it for? The pile of junk, I mean," she said, gesturing towards the mess.

"Junk? JUNK? Rose, this is SO much more than junk! " he cried. "This is going to be a scanner, just like the one I had in the med-lab on the TARDIS, except it has a thermometer that you stick under your tongue. It can tell you everything you need to know. Well, not yet. But it will! You just wait and see." He smiled triumphantly.

"Alright space boy, you have fun with your toys. Just, try to get to bed at a reasonable hour, yeah?"

"Yes mum" he shot back. She rolled her eyes, and kissed him. _One…two…three…four…_ he counted in his head. Rose suddenly pulled back. "Hey! What'd you pull away for?" he whined.

"You're counting, aren't you?" she asked incredulously.

"Well…" he said sheepishly. She smacked him on the arm.

"Figures. Men! You can never trust 'em!" She pecked him one more time, then flitted up the stairs, leaving him to his work. _Women…_ he thought, grinning. Then, he snatched up the wire cutters, spare batteries, and the bell, and with his screwdriver in hand, dashed over to his desk. Pulling out his geek-chic glasses (as Rose had kindly named them), he scooted them up his nose and went back to his work.

* * *

What do you think? If you can guess where the Memory Crystal might come in handy later on, I'll put your screen name somewhere in the next part! Cross my heart!

Thanks to **HiddenintheTardis** and **PKarma42** for the great feedback! I should have the next part up tomorrow or Thursday, so keep a look out!

:-P


	4. The Truth

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Doctor Who, Jelly Babies, or any New Earth technology. Sorry.

Hello everyone! Another update! YAY! I've been on a role lately...Without further ado, part four!

* * *

**12:00 PM – **

"Yes!" He cried out with success. "It's working! It's really working!" _Not that I doubted my amazing technological skills or anything…_ he thought. Shaking his head, he stood back to admire his work.

What at first just seemed to be a rather small flat-screen television was actually a medical scanner, almost exactly like the ones they had seen on New Earth, except a bit more rustic, since he had built it himself. It was basically a CAT scan, X-ray machine, and MRI all in one, plus a multitude of other things. It could tell you every illness ever known, as well as their cures. _ Or lack thereof, depending…_ It could also show your pulse, blood pressure, I.Q., last thing you ate, date of birth, date of mid-life crisis, date of death, and a lot of other bits and pieces of information. Those were just the basics.

"Let's take her for a test run!" he said aloud, clearly excited. The screen had a series of questions in Gallifreyan that had to be answered first. John busied himself with typing them all in.

**Name: John Smith, otherwise known as The Doctor.**

**Age: 907, though technically 32.**

**Species: Half-Human/Half-Time Lord meta-crisis.**

**Planet of Origin: Gallifrey**

**Planet of Residence: Earth**

_Now let's see if I can get her to work!_ He thought excitedly. He lay down and turned the screen to him. He tapped the screen where it said "Default Scan", and was as still as he could be. Soon, a quiet whirring sound filled the room, which stopped about a minute later. The Doctor sat up and turned the screen towards him, grinning at the thought of it actually working. He sat up and took a good look. He smiled, and then did a double take. _Wait, what?_ He pulled out him glasses, and pushed them up his nose. His face mere inches away from the screen, he read it over, his eyes scanning it at an impossible speed. _That's impossible…_

**1:00 AM:**

One hour, dozens of scans, and half a bag of Jelly Babies later, John Smith slumped against the side of his desk, finally giving in. Because no matter what he did – fixing and refixing the perfectly fine insides of the scanner, using a different setting for the scan, you name it – the read out was the same each time. Everything was fine, and expected. Everything but last piece of information. The Doctor pulled the screen towards him, and read the basic readout over once more.

Pulse: 80 beats per minute Earth Time

Blood Pressure: 120/80

I.Q.: 5000 on the Gallifreyan scale.

Last thing eaten: Jelly Babies

**Date of Birth:** **14/31/5023**

Date of Mid-Life Crisis: Error: Date not found

**Date of Death:**** 1/1/2021**

It had to be wrong. It had to be. He couldn't have just six months to live. Just over four years of life in all. How could he leave his wife? His Rose? How could the Oncoming Storm leave his Bad Wolf? He would break her heart. And yet, deep down, he knew it was true. He had always known. Not the exact day, no, but that he would die much sooner than intended. In the centre of his heart, he knew this wasn't an error on his part. It wasn't anyone's fault. He was simply impossible. He couldn't exist. Now that he knew the truth , he knew what had happened when Donna and his Time Lord twin had left this universe.

Donna had probably been going on about something smart (_knowing her)_, reveling in the fact that she actually understood what he had been going on about in his rants over the past few months they had been together. But then, she stopped. Maybe gagging, maybe just suddenly shutting up, and maybe screaming. Because she was in pain, intense pain. The worst pain any being could ever be in. And she knew. In that instant, she understood why.

The human brain couldn't hold all of the knowledge of a Time Lord. Not without their mind burning, and hers must have started to. There was no other alternative, being what she was. So his twin did the only thing he could do without his best friend dying. He wiped her memory of his existence. All the things they did, the adventures they went on. The people they saved, the planets they saved, that she saved. All gone. She'd never be able to remember them again. Because if she did, if she ever remembered for even an instant, she would die.

The poor, poor Doctor. The sorrow he felt for his twin couldn't be expressed in words, not in any language. It was a pain no person should have to bear, taking away the memories of someone you care about. Taking the memory of you, and what you two did together, what you meant to one another. That alone had to have been hard.

And yet, this was the fate he now faced. A Human-Time Lord meta-crisis couldn't be. It simply couldn't. The brain of a Time Lord was completely different from that of a human, and thus was incompatible. Sure, he was getting four years of life, while Donna got four hours, but that was because he was more Time Lord than Human. Forty percent more, a ninety-ten split. He lasted longer because he was built to withstand it. He got the lucky end of the deal, though both sides had a sad, painful ending that would eventually play out.

How ironic that they both were at their happiest when they died. He would die, totally and completely, but the original Doctor erased her memories, Donna lived on. But a part of her, the smart, brave, amazingly brilliant part that she only discovered while she was with him, died with those memories. His best friend, gone. She was nothing like the woman he came to love, and got to know. She was the temp from London. Nothing more. Not anymore. It brought tears to John's eyes to think about it.

"John," a voice called. He looked up with burning eyes, blinking back tears, to see his angel. His Rose, looking at him from the other side of the room, and yet that small distance was too far. Just looking at her face sent a new wave of misery and guilt through him., and he wanted nothing more than to have her holding him. _She doesn't need to see me like this,_ He thought. In an attempt to hide his pain, he turned his head away from her and stood up, but it was too late. "John?! What is it?" she asked, running to him. "What's wrong?" He could hear the waver of her voice, wondering turning to panic, but he couldn't react, couldn't comfort her. Because in that moment, for the first time in a long time, he needed her to comfort him. He simply took her in his arms, let his tears flow, and finally allowed the doubt inside pout out. Six words repeated in his mind over and over, like a drumbeat. Just six.

_What am I going to do?_

_

* * *

_

What did you think? Comments/Reviews are always appreciated. I hit writers block often, so a lot of things you guys say really gets my mind working.

Thanks SO much to **HiddenintheTardis** and **Sunfell E** for attempting to give ideas for the Memory Crystals. Special congrats(!!!!) to **Meitle**, who was not TOO far off from where I'm headed with that bit. However, no one has quite gotten it yet. Still waiting, but I'm sure you'll figure it out soon! Cheers!!

:-P


	5. Memories Before the end

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Doctor Who, or it's soundtrack, or anyting else even close.

Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've had school throttling the creativity right out of me, yeah? Anyways, I'm back, and with exciting news! Congratulations to **The Alternative Source** for figuring out what the Memory Crystals were for! You're fantastic! Now then, on with the chapter. It's part one of two, so I hope you like it!

Oh, and just as a side note, I got the inspiration for the end of the chapter from the Doctor Who Series 4 Soundtrack - Boe. LISTEN TO IT!!!!!!!!

* * *

Flashes. Sound. Memories. It was all so fact. They played like a movie, moving at incredible speeds, yet slow enough to watch as well. Sensations overwhelmed her, impossible sights teased her, and adrenaline rushes slammed her forward, forcing her to watch. Pieces of her life, all in one place, one at a time, and yet all at once. She watched.

_'I'm going to die, I'm going to die, I'm going to die' she thought. She was surrounded by creatures. No, people dressed up. She refused to believe that these things were actually real. Then, just as they poised to strike, a hand shot out of the darkness. She looked up to see a man in a jumper and a leather jacket, looking back at her intently. He had fire, sadness, anger, hope, and a million other emotions playing in his eyes. But when she looked at him, when she took his hand, all of her worries left her, all of her fears. She was calm. Then he said one word. Just one word. "Run!" And like the wind, they ran._

And we never stopped. Always running, never looking back. That was just the way of things. It always seemed a bit magical. And the instant we met, we were comfortable. Even before I started to travel with him, we were. Anyone would look at us and see a happy couple, holding hands. And the teasing, the constant teasing...

_'Tell you what, with a bit of jiggery pokery-'_

_'Is that a technical term, "jiggery pokery?"' she grinned._

_'Yeah, I came first in jiggery pokery, what about you?' He smirked, being cheeky like always._

_'No, I failed Hullabaloo' she giggled, her tounge inbetween her teeth. She bumped him with her arm. and when he looked at her, her eyes sparkled._

Another flash...

_They had just saved the entire world. AGAIN. But he was more jubulent than she'd ever seen him before. She smiled, watching him dance around the room in a spree of energy. 'Look at you, beamin' away like you're Father Christmas!'_

_He looked at her, a twinkle in his eyes. 'Who says I'm not, red bicycle when you were twelve?' Her mouth fell open, but before she could question him, he changed the subject._

He never did tell me what he meant by that...but the happy times were the best. She relished in them. Another flash...

_She bounced in place, grinning like a prize idiot. He was here, he was BACK! Brand new too. No more big nose or ears, though she was quite fond of them. He had gorgeous hair, and wasn't bad to look at. She smile at the thought of traveling with him. He turned to her and went off, rambling._

_'Now, first things first. Be honest. How do I look?' She bit her lip, not wanting to say what she was thinking. GORGEOUS her mind screamed. SEXY she thought. She settled for being vauge._

_'Umm... different.'_

_'Good different or bad different?' Oh great, he was frustrated..._

_'Just... different.' He got this hopeful look in his eyes._

_'Am I... ginger?'_

_'No, you're just sort of... brown.'_

_'Aw, I wanted to be ginger! I've never been ginger! And you, Rose Tyler! Fat lot of good you were! You gave up on me!' She looked annoyed. 'Ooh, that's rude. Is that the sort of man I am now? Am I rude? Rude and not ginger.'_

He was so different. But not always rude. Hm...we went on so many adventures together. Always on the go...I once compared him to the Energizer bunny. But then, even batteries run down...

_She looked down at his sleeping form and smiled. It was a rare occasion to watch him sleep, but when it happened, she was always in awe. The man who saved the world countless times, and was always ready for more, looked so innocent when he was asleep. He had no barriers up. She thought about it for a moment, and decided that, in his own way, he was handsome. She brushed his cheek with the back of her hand softly, then silently got up and left him in peace._

And another...

_He was out like a light. There was no question. Here he lay in her old bed at her mum's house. The new him. He was gorgeous, there was no question. His hair was thick, and he had the most gorgeous eyes she'd ever seen. She loved him before he changed, and she loved him now. That hadn't changed exactly, it was just…it was a lot easier to get carried away with her thoughts. She brushed his hair out of his face, and bent down to kiss his forehead. Then she turned around and left the room grinning. When she turned around to look at him once more, he was smiling in his sleep._

He needed that rest to. Damn tree...Another Flash...

_He looked at her, a devoted, puppy look in his eyes. He didn't want to ask, but he had to. 'How long are you going to stay with me?' She looked at him, her eyes brimming with happiness and love for this life. Then she said it._

_'Forever.'_

Such a simple word, forever. Used by many, but rarely meant by any of them. It held so much power. And when you lose forever, it holds such pain and loss. Flash...

_He grinned at what she'd just said. A fake one, she knew, for her benifit. But a grin, none the less. A smile, one last smile, just for her._

_'Rose Tyler, defender of the Earth... You're dead -officially- back home. So many people died that day and you've gone missing. You're on the list of the dead.' He paused. 'Here you are, living your life day after day. The one adventure I can never have.' Her breathing became shallow, and she started to cry._

_'Am I ever going to see you again? ' She asked. But even though she knew the answer, she had to hear it. No matter how much it hurt. His eyes burned as he spoke._

_'You can't.'_

And another...

_"I...I love you!" she choked out, eyes streaming. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. She was supposed to be with him forever. She loved him more than anyone, anything. This couldn't be happening._

_"Quite right to," he said with a lump in his throat. "And I suppose, if it's my last chance to say it...Rose Tyler-" and then he was gone. 'What was he going to say? Does he love me? I have to know!!!' In that moment, her heart shattered into a million, no, a billion pieces, and only he could put it back together._

Flash...

_There he was. The man she loved. Three years had not made her love for him go away. Not now, not ever. She smiled brightly, and ran with all her might towards him. He ran to her, and it felt lke she was finally getting her life back. Then it happened. The one thing she hadn't counted on._

_"Ex-ter-min-ate!" the Dalek shreiked, and it shot down the love of her life. No, of her existence. One word rang through her head, over and over like a drum beat. NO!!!_

Faster. Faster. Faster. So many things rushed through her head. The Slitheen, Bad Wolf, the Dalek, regeneration, New Earth, Cybermen, Universes, moremoremore! Flash.

_"We've got to go. This reality is sealing itself off, forever." Her head shot up. 'NO!' she cried in her head. 'Not again, not now. Not when I've traveled across worlds and galaxies to find him!' A few tears welled in her eyes.__  
"But, it's still not right, 'cause the Doctor is still you!" His expression turned hard.__  
"And I'm him," he said, nodding at...his twin she guessed. She didn't know what to call him really. 'What can I do?' she thought. 'I can't just let him leave me. Again. I need to be with him...I need...A TEST! That's what I need. Oh, and I know just what to do...' She gathered her thoughts, and looked at both her Doctor, and the new one.__  
"Alright, both of you, answer me this." They both walked to her and stood at her sides. "When I last stood on this beach, on the worst day of my life, what was the last thing you said to me?" She looked up at her Doctor, her eyes sparking. He hesitated, so she egged him on. "Go on, say it!" She watched as he took a deep breath.__**  
"**I said 'Rose Tyler'." Now she was upset, and she let it show in her eyes. Why couldn't he just say he loved her, and put her mind at ease?__  
"Yeah?...and how was that sentence gonna end?" A raging fire burned in both of their eyes as they fought in their minds. Suddenly, his fire was replaced with sadness. He looked at her, pain and sorrow evident in his face, even with a mask covering some of it up.__  
"Does it need saying?" Those four words made her mentally scream. 'YES!!!!! YES THEY NEED SAYING! I want NOTHING more!' But she knew why. He was giving up. And she knew, deep down, why. He loved her, so much so that, in order to protect her, he refused to say it aloud. Because he didn't want to leave her behind, not at all, but he wanted her to have the chance at a normal life. A happy life, with her mum, and her family. How could she be upset with him for being...well, himself?_

He always did try to protect me. Even if it meant hurting himself. His actions were what dictated his love. He didn't need words, because they weren't enough. They weren't loud enough. I didn't realize it until much later. So many things I never knew. So many things never said. But it's in the past, and it cannot be changed. Only time can tell what happens. And though my time with John has been brilliant, it's nearly up. Soon, I'll be alone again. Alone forever. And The Doctor will never know that that's what we could have had. It doesn't make me love John any less, but it does make we hope that maybe, just maybe, when this is all over...Maybe I can get back to the TARDIS. Maybe I can go home. And then a new adventure can start. One that really will last, quite literally...Forever.

* * *

Not what you were expecting, eh? Congrats again to **The Alternative Source**! I'll have your name in the next chapter. It didn't fit into this one, what with it being flashbacks and all. It'll be in the bold. :-P

Also, did you guys catch the whole "Alone forever" bit? What do you think's going on with that? Comment and Review please! 3


	6. His Last Days

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything. Seriously, I had to donate my old clothes I bought to charity because they were too small.

HELLO!!! Another one that took a while. Sorry guys, I've been writing like crazy and all...just not this story. I'm going to post some new stuff soon, I promise!!! Thanks SO much to **The Alternate Source** and **The Chibi's Are Stalking Me** for giving me ideas in their stories. Another thanks to **The Alternate Source** for taking a look at this before hand. ON WITH THE STORY!!! *grin*

* * *

Burning isn't a literal term. you don't spontaneously combust. It's more that you slowly lose your mind. Like Alzheimer's, but with a slow blue fire curling around your brain, eating away at all you love, in a rather painful way. That's what it feels like anyways. Four days to burn, and then you die. Four years to live, then four years to die. Oh great, a number following my death. Hope there's no sign of Bad Wolf anywhere around. Back to the actual act of burning. Basically, when a Time Lord is at the end of his last regeneration, his mind has gone through too many changes to hold in all of the knowledge of...well, I would say the universe, but it's more Reality. Your most important areas go last. Memories, thoughts, feelings, they all stay until the end. Moter function first, ect. And though it doesn't seem like it at the time, it's a blessing.

My last months of life were filled with more love, more happiness, than any of my other lives were. All because of Rose. She made each day a shining star in the millions of stars that were my past lives. I will never stop loving her, not even when I'm gone. My Rose, who will bloom forever. That came as a nasty shock really...

* * *

"C'mon Rose, it's only a bit of fun, yeah? Come on." I'd been trying to get her to go under the scanner for over an hour.  
"No way!" she cried for the umpteenth time. "It's NOT going to happen, so quit asking!" I rolled my eyes and smiled. I put on a sad, defeated look,  
and glanced up at her with teary eyes.  
"P-please?" I whispered. She groaned.  
"John Smith, you are evil. EVIL! I mean, I love you and all, but seriously?" Sighing, she finally conceded. "Fine, I'll do your stupid scanner." She made her way over to the table, glowering as I beamed away like Father Christmas. There wasn't a hint of sorrow left on my face. She laid down, and I set the scanner up above her.  
"See? That wasn't so hard, now was it?" I smirked.  
"Just do it!" she snapped, clearly annoyed with me. I sighed, and entered her information in.  
"Now, hold very, VERY still, have you got that Rose?" I asked. "Otherwise I'll have to do it again, and you don't want that, now do you?"  
"Yeah, that'd be just brilliant!" she said, rolling her eyes. I kissed her softly, before hitting the on button and letting the scanner do it's work. When it beeped, I pulled it away, and we both looked at the screen.

Pulse: 70 beats per minute Earth Time.

Blood Pressure: 110/70

IQ: 150+ on the Earth Scale.

Last Thing Eaten: An apple.

Date of Birth: 5/16/1986

Date of Mid-Life Crisis: None.

Date of Death: ERROR - Date of Death does not exist. For more information, enter the code 4279H

I finished before my wife, so I waited for her to finish.  
"What does that mean, one-fifty plus?" she asked, pointing to the IQ score. I smiled. Of course that would be her question.  
"It means your IQ is going up," I stated.  
"Oh...but why?" she asked.  
"There's a bit more of a pressing issue at hand, sweetheart," is said, pointing to the Date of Death. I pulled out the keyboard and typed in the code it provided. A new page of text popped up, and we both leaned forward to read it.

ERROR MESSAGE - Date of Death cannot be determined.  
REASON #1: The being that was scanned will never die.  
REASON #2: The being that was scanned will live until the end/longer than time.  
REASON #3: The being that was scanned will die at the end of the universe.

Rose and I looked at each other, horrified. Then I spoke.  
"This...this is BAD." She game me a look.  
"You think?"

END FLASHBACK

And now I have to leave her. but not before I give her a few things. Memory Crystals, thank Roselin, last for a long, long time. And they're not easy to use, in case Jackie gets a hold of them. (:-P) I don't want her knowing what goes on in my head. With any luck, if things go as planned, he'll get them. My twin, my true Time Lord counterpart, will get to see our life together while she was gone. The second, my sonic screwdriver. She knows how to use it, and I know she gets just as much of a kick out of it as I do, though I hope she was kidding about turning it lavender. The third, and most important, my own version of Project Indigo. The difference being it will take her across the universes, back to my twin. As long as she thinks about him, she'll get to him.

I can feel it coming. The end. Rose is here beside me, holding my hand. The love of my life. I have to tell her. I refuse to run out of time, not again.  
"Rose," I croak softly. She slips her hand in mine, and looks me in the eye.  
"What is it John? What's wrong?" Concern, worry, fear. It's all in her eyes. She doesn't want to go. I think she may love me now more than she ever did. But I have to get her to go. I refuse to let her spend her life alone.  
"I love you," I say, putting as much emotion as I can into the words. She gives me a watery smile.  
"I love you too." I pull on her hand, and she lays down next to me. Kissing her softly, I look her in the eyes.  
"Be happy, my love." I whisper, and then I close my eyes for the last time, knowing that she'll always be safe where she's going. 'Rose' is my last thought. Now, I am no more.

* * *

Hate it? Love it? Want to do very graphic and horrible things to the author? *hides inside imaginary TARDIS* Can't get me now!!! :-P  
Comment and favourite, and I'll give you a bag of Jelly Babies! :-D


End file.
